I need some help!!!

It's 10:00 at night, in through the ED door comes this guy yelling "I need some help." As I head for the door expecting to find a slumped over person or a baby on the floor of the car he yells at me "hurry up she's having a lot of pain." Here we go again.....

As I get her in the wheelchair, the boyfriend/significant other/whatever he is keeps yelling at her "don't fall asleep, you can't go to sleep." What the hell? Not sure what falling asleep and chest pain have to do with each other. The whole time this is going on, the hysterical female is continuously repeating "I can feel my hand, I can feel my hand, I can feel....."

Here is another reason for liberal spraying of some kind of benzos in the ED entrance. So we start the workup. EKG, labs, monitor, O2, the cardiac workup.

Come to find out she has a couple of kids that were arguing in the car and this caused the pain to start. She then starts to go completely ape-shit when lab shows up to get her blood. "Lab draws hurt too much, can't you just tell me what's wrong and send me home?"

So in the end these goobers drive 90mph from a small town 30 minutes away risking their lives and more importantly everybody else on the road with them only to leave AMA because she can't stand to get her blood drawn. A few minutes after they leave, the guy comes back in and asks whether they can both get a work note for the next day??? GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!!! No note for you.

Obamacare

So I was reading through this post by Doug Ross earlier today and am just wondering what is going to happen to the working classes taxes and healthcare if this grand disaster of a socialist plan makes it through. Everybody likes to have their cake and eat it too. Everybody wants to have the great medical innovation that the US provides, but no one wants to pay for it. I am seriously worried about the future of US healthcare. It seems that we have been on a slippery slope to socialism. I’ve always been taught that when you lower everybody to the same common denominator, everybody loses. Don’t let this happen to us!!

You stuck what? Where??

It's about 1:30 in the morning and I'm the lucky nurse in triage at this great hour. In comes this 70-something year old guy. I ask him what his chief complaint is and he whispers "I have a problem." Ok, so did the other 50 people that I already triaged since my stint in triage began today. So i ask him "What kind of problem" since he doesn't seem to get the point that I can't hear him and keep a safe distance from him at the same time. So he leans in closer and whispers again "I have a pencil stuck in me." I can see that this is going to be another one of those times that I will have the drag the information out of someone. Obviously he doesn't grasp the concept of telling me what brings him to the ED, so I ask him where is this pencil? He then proceeds to tell me that he has shoved multiple pencils up his penis. This guy had shoved 3 pencils so far up his penis that they weren't even in his penis anymore. He had managed to shove them all the way to his bladder and ended up requiring surgery to get them out. I never did ask the guy why he did something like that. At this point in my career I've been an nurse long enough that this kind of thing doesn't even phase me it's just a good conversation piece.

I guess the moral of the story is if your going to shove something up your penis you should tie a string around it so you can fish it out when you're done with it.