You stuck what? Where??

It's about 1:30 in the morning and I'm the lucky nurse in triage at this great hour. In comes this 70-something year old guy. I ask him what his chief complaint is and he whispers "I have a problem." Ok, so did the other 50 people that I already triaged since my stint in triage began today. So i ask him "What kind of problem" since he doesn't seem to get the point that I can't hear him and keep a safe distance from him at the same time. So he leans in closer and whispers again "I have a pencil stuck in me." I can see that this is going to be another one of those times that I will have the drag the information out of someone. Obviously he doesn't grasp the concept of telling me what brings him to the ED, so I ask him where is this pencil? He then proceeds to tell me that he has shoved multiple pencils up his penis. This guy had shoved 3 pencils so far up his penis that they weren't even in his penis anymore. He had managed to shove them all the way to his bladder and ended up requiring surgery to get them out. I never did ask the guy why he did something like that. At this point in my career I've been an nurse long enough that this kind of thing doesn't even phase me it's just a good conversation piece.

I guess the moral of the story is if your going to shove something up your penis you should tie a string around it so you can fish it out when you're done with it.